chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
