all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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