biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
