how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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