how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
