When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
