It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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