He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
