T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
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Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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