WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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