it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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