You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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