im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
