the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm always down for nudity.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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