K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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