I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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