i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
