The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
