He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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