1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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