I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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