Cold hands, warm shart.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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