I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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