We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
