No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
