I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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