I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They took my balls.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
