am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
