i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
