she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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