This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
