Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
