the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
