She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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