Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
