New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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