all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think my moral compass just broke
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
