All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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