Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
