I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize