it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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