What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
