we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
