Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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