i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
