try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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