Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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