you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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