So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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