I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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