Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
