he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
