Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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