I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
