so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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