Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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