He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
