and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
