I'm sorry my penis didn't work
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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