If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
