All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
