...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
